Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Blow bubbles with their gum, take photographs of fun.

I'm feeling a lot better, but If what might happen happens, it'll all come crashing down again. However, that bridge will be crossed when I have arrived at it. I'm really not looking forward to this vacation too much, oddly enough. I'm sure I'll start having fun when I get to Puerto Rico and see all my family.
San Juan, Puerto Rico / Callejón de Las Monjas by Oquendo.

I want to trust you. I want you to be my best friend. I want to be able to talk to you about real stuff, the stuff we both have inside, but never talk to with anyone. My secret was about you, and it really kind of hurt to see it go up in smoke. I think I'm just afraid to see what'll happen if I try.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The flame is gone.

I had no idea Allie leaving would affect me so much. These have been the worst few weeks of my life, and that's not a lie. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Actually, the ONE thing that I find any fun in, is, oddly enough, random car rides with Austin. Honestly, I probably would have given up on everything if not for him. I don't know if I'm depressed, or what the fuck.

Rotting Shelves by www.gageyoung.com.

- I'm dissapointed in you, but you don't care, and that's fine.

-You've become so much more to me than I thought when we met a year ago. I love you.

- It seems like you never cared about me. I think you just need SOMEONE, regardless of who it is. Oh well.

- We need you. We're all lost without you.

- I have so much respect for you, I wish you did too. You're amazing.

- You're annoying.

- You let me down, and I'm never depending on you again.

-Now that I know more about who you REALLY are, I laugh at the difference between how you act when someone's looking and how you act when you think no one's looking.

-You really hurt me sometimes. We joke around, but you take it too far, and then get all defensive.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


When she finished playing, a certain sadness enveloped us. We shuffled outside, and continued our goodbyes. Ally remembered she had left her letter to Allie at my house, so our objectives shifted. Austin, Ally, Allie, and I piled into the front seats of Austin's car, making up words to songs along the way. We arrived at my house, got the letter, and headed outside. The four of us stood in the driveway, and then it really hit us; this is the last time we'd see her for who knows how long. We all began to cry, and none of us wanted to leave. Before long, it was nearly midnight and Austin had to drive to Summerfield to take Ally home, then back home to Tavares. I offered for him to spend the night, but it was too complicated. After a few more frantic hugs and wiped tears, they stepped into his car and drove off, saying they loved her until they couldn't be heard. Once they left, we hugged a few more times, and I walked Allie down the driveway to Chelsi's car. We had taken longer than expected with our goodbyes, because Trevor and Chelsi were asleep in the backseat, and James was sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his phone. After waiting for them to wake up and unlock the doors, I told her I loved her a zillion more times, and as she got in the car, I walked back up my driveway. Each step felt like death, and I got halfway up before I completely broke down, and fell onto the concrete and cried for what seemed like hours. I got myself together eventually, and entered my house, completely crushed. The rest of the night is a blur, I slappped together my business project in half an hour, and spent the rest of the night laying in bed, reading her note. After I while, I could see nothing more than the I love you she wrote in the roots of the tree she drew. I fell to a troubled sleep at four, to wake miserably ninety minutes later.

Allie Wagner, I don't know how we're going to get on without you. School isn't worth it. Seeing the spot where you sat in chorus makes me sad all over again. Listening to Emarosa has a whole new meaning now. I can imagine you standing in that corner of the art room, making something amazing. You will always be loved, you will never forgotten.

The things we think about at night never lose taste
Now take the close to find something greater
This wall has finally reached it's end,
it's higher ground, let's make a stand.
Did you ever think we would get this high?
Pull back the sheets
to find an ending that you prayed for.