Monday, December 21, 2009

300 M.P.H Torrential Outpour Blues

You need to let who you are on the inside become who you are on the outside. In my professional opinion.

I don't have anything else to say. I'm really glad it's christmas.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I'm bad at Chemistry.

Like, really really bad. I don't mind Ms. Logan, and I like that she's willing to help us, I just don't understand it at all . I'm pretty pissed that my dad won't let me come to drama club anymore, but hopefully my grades come up. Also, I'm gonna try and get out of Vocal Arts, so then I'll only have 1 after-school thing, which means more sleep. I really won't miss Vocal Arts anyway, I'm not a good singer (or fucking dancer), and I can't sit still for that long anyway.

I'm so overwhelmed with everything.
Life and school and people and everything.

Who's gonna reach out, me or you? I know we both want this.
Why is it so hard?
It shouldn't be.

Would someone care to classify our broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on
and run to them.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Blow bubbles with their gum, take photographs of fun.

I'm feeling a lot better, but If what might happen happens, it'll all come crashing down again. However, that bridge will be crossed when I have arrived at it. I'm really not looking forward to this vacation too much, oddly enough. I'm sure I'll start having fun when I get to Puerto Rico and see all my family.
San Juan, Puerto Rico / Callejón de Las Monjas by Oquendo.

I want to trust you. I want you to be my best friend. I want to be able to talk to you about real stuff, the stuff we both have inside, but never talk to with anyone. My secret was about you, and it really kind of hurt to see it go up in smoke. I think I'm just afraid to see what'll happen if I try.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The flame is gone.

I had no idea Allie leaving would affect me so much. These have been the worst few weeks of my life, and that's not a lie. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Actually, the ONE thing that I find any fun in, is, oddly enough, random car rides with Austin. Honestly, I probably would have given up on everything if not for him. I don't know if I'm depressed, or what the fuck.

Rotting Shelves by

- I'm dissapointed in you, but you don't care, and that's fine.

-You've become so much more to me than I thought when we met a year ago. I love you.

- It seems like you never cared about me. I think you just need SOMEONE, regardless of who it is. Oh well.

- We need you. We're all lost without you.

- I have so much respect for you, I wish you did too. You're amazing.

- You're annoying.

- You let me down, and I'm never depending on you again.

-Now that I know more about who you REALLY are, I laugh at the difference between how you act when someone's looking and how you act when you think no one's looking.

-You really hurt me sometimes. We joke around, but you take it too far, and then get all defensive.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


When she finished playing, a certain sadness enveloped us. We shuffled outside, and continued our goodbyes. Ally remembered she had left her letter to Allie at my house, so our objectives shifted. Austin, Ally, Allie, and I piled into the front seats of Austin's car, making up words to songs along the way. We arrived at my house, got the letter, and headed outside. The four of us stood in the driveway, and then it really hit us; this is the last time we'd see her for who knows how long. We all began to cry, and none of us wanted to leave. Before long, it was nearly midnight and Austin had to drive to Summerfield to take Ally home, then back home to Tavares. I offered for him to spend the night, but it was too complicated. After a few more frantic hugs and wiped tears, they stepped into his car and drove off, saying they loved her until they couldn't be heard. Once they left, we hugged a few more times, and I walked Allie down the driveway to Chelsi's car. We had taken longer than expected with our goodbyes, because Trevor and Chelsi were asleep in the backseat, and James was sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his phone. After waiting for them to wake up and unlock the doors, I told her I loved her a zillion more times, and as she got in the car, I walked back up my driveway. Each step felt like death, and I got halfway up before I completely broke down, and fell onto the concrete and cried for what seemed like hours. I got myself together eventually, and entered my house, completely crushed. The rest of the night is a blur, I slappped together my business project in half an hour, and spent the rest of the night laying in bed, reading her note. After I while, I could see nothing more than the I love you she wrote in the roots of the tree she drew. I fell to a troubled sleep at four, to wake miserably ninety minutes later.

Allie Wagner, I don't know how we're going to get on without you. School isn't worth it. Seeing the spot where you sat in chorus makes me sad all over again. Listening to Emarosa has a whole new meaning now. I can imagine you standing in that corner of the art room, making something amazing. You will always be loved, you will never forgotten.

The things we think about at night never lose taste
Now take the close to find something greater
This wall has finally reached it's end,
it's higher ground, let's make a stand.
Did you ever think we would get this high?
Pull back the sheets
to find an ending that you prayed for.

Thursday, October 29, 2009


We all walked over to the small, dark red room that was dominated by the baby grand piano. It was a scene all too familiar in my head, but this time it was different. It was the last time this would happen, for now. We put Chelsi's camera at the end of the piano and took a few pictures, a few final memories to capture. Allie sat down at the piano bench and began playing. At once, I got a rush of memories from music appreciation class last year, how Geena and I would just sit there all class period, listening to her play, not saying a word. I saw how her fingers danced along the keys, it amazed me as much as the first time I heard her play. Her eyes were closed and her head was slightly tilted. Before long, the emotions hit me and my eyes flooded with tears. The room was silent, save for the music and Austin and Chelsi talking. It was perfect. I remembered the short period we've known each other, a little over a year. I glanced at Trevor. He was sitting at the end of the piano bench, his eyes transfixed on nothing in particular. No doubt, he was using his other senses much more at the moment. I saw him wipe a tear from his eye, and didn't feel so bad for crying. Ally was crying as well, and James sat on the other end of the piano bench, his head in his arms.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Cut the loss, just walk away.

I'm super duper angry. We didn't get to sing One Day More. The only reason I went to the damn concert was to sing that. I could have been seeing A Day To Remember, but I stayed to sing that song. I know it's not all Riddle's fault, and he had a lot going on, but it seemed like he didn't organize anything at all. It seemed like he didn't try at all. It upset me. I know if he would just get his shit together, all of our concerts would be so much better. Then again, he has the band to deal with, and he has a family and stuff too.
Not a good day.

Jonny Craig and Craig Owens Pictures, Images and Photos

That made me really happy.