Goals for Today-

Wake up early, so I can go to Target, Circuit City, etc, with my mom and buy new headphones, and look for Rock Band 2 on the Wii, because my mom suddenly really wants it. I want to do this all relatively fast, so that I can go to the square with Kelsey and Ally later on. Sounds easy enough to accomplish, especially since I'm already up at 8:20. Somehow I doubt it will be that easy.

Just give me myself back.

You are a difficult person to please. Nothing I do is ever good enough, you wants more. If you don't get what you want, I'm a lazy asshole. Yelling, pleading, and insulting aren't encouraging either, by the way. I don't know what to do with myself when I'm around you. If I say the wrong thing, you freak out, if I don't say anything, I'm trying to alienate you. What the fuck do you want?
I feel utterly worthless around you. I'll never be them, and I will NEVER be you. I'm gonna be what I want to be, whether it makes you happy or not. You will not think for me any more. You don't understand why I don't like being around you, but just look at yourself. You LOVE to argue, and you love to play the victim in every situation. Every second around you makes me want to punch a wall until my hands bleed, or break down and cry. I will be better than you. You will not hold me back.

All things come to an end.

The death of my aunt showed me that. She was an amazing person. Throughout her countless physical struggles, she still managed to have faith in whoever's up there, and she prayed not for herself, but for everyone around her.
For the man that got her daughter pregnant.
For my grandmother, who is slowly succumbing to the final stages of Alzheimer's.
For the ICU doctor who was an asshole.
For her own daughter, who came home drunk constantly and she had to stay up most of the night with.

She taught me that no matter what your circumstances are, no matter how fucked up everything can get, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if that light means death. She had unshakeable faith, and although I don't completely agree with what she thought, I respect her in the utmost because of it. She was always happy, and she's happy now.

I love my family, and not seeing them in a year made a bigger impact than I thought.

Austin is right. Maybe not for everyone, but I also hate being alone. Seeing happy couples doing whatever happy couples do makes me think, why can't I ever seem to find myself in one of those? I'll find someone eventually, but until then, its as if there's something mising in me, something that has never been there, but I miss it al the same.

Sidenote-ms. smith pulling all these projects out of her ass is really annoying.

Love you all.