300 M.P.H Torrential Outpour Blues

You need to let who you are on the inside become who you are on the outside. In my professional opinion.

I don't have anything else to say. I'm really glad it's christmas.

I'm bad at Chemistry.

Like, really really bad. I don't mind Ms. Logan, and I like that she's willing to help us, I just don't understand it at all . I'm pretty pissed that my dad won't let me come to drama club anymore, but hopefully my grades come up. Also, I'm gonna try and get out of Vocal Arts, so then I'll only have 1 after-school thing, which means more sleep. I really won't miss Vocal Arts anyway, I'm not a good singer (or fucking dancer), and I can't sit still for that long anyway.

I'm so overwhelmed with everything.

Life and school and people and everything.

Life.

Who's gonna reach out, me or you? I know we both want this.

Why is it so hard?

It shouldn't be.

Would someone care to classify our broken hearts and twisted minds

So I can find someone to rely on

and run to them.

Blow bubbles with their gum, take photographs of fun.

I'm feeling a lot better, but If what might happen happens, it'll all come crashing down again. However, that bridge will be crossed when I have arrived at it. I'm really not looking forward to this vacation too much, oddly enough. I'm sure I'll start having fun when I get to Puerto Rico and see all my family.

THAT PICTURE IS SO WACKY, CAUSE I'VE BEEN TO THAT STREET LIKE A MILLION TIMES :D

I want to trust you. I want you to be my best friend. I want to be able to talk to you about real stuff, the stuff we both have inside, but never talk to with anyone. My secret was about you, and it really kind of hurt to see it go up in smoke. I think I'm just afraid to see what'll happen if I try.

The flame is gone.

I had no idea Allie leaving would affect me so much. These have been the worst few weeks of my life, and that's not a lie. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Actually, the ONE thing that I find any fun in, is, oddly enough, random car rides with Austin. Honestly, I probably would have given up on everything if not for him. I don't know if I'm depressed, or what the fuck.

- I'm dissapointed in you, but you don't care, and that's fine.

-You've become so much more to me than I thought when we met a year ago. I love you.

- It seems like you never cared about me. I think you just need SOMEONE, regardless of who it is. Oh well.

- We need you. We're all lost without you.

- I have so much respect for you, I wish you did too. You're amazing.

- You're annoying.

- You let me down, and I'm never depending on you again.

-Now that I know more about who you REALLY are, I laugh at the difference between how you act when someone's looking and how you act when you think no one's looking.

-You really hurt me sometimes. We joke around, but you take it too far, and then get all defensive.

FREAKIN'! Part II

When she finished playing, a certain sadness enveloped us. We shuffled outside, and continued our goodbyes. Ally remembered she had left her letter to Allie at my house, so our objectives shifted. Austin, Ally, Allie, and I piled into the front seats of Austin's car, making up words to songs along the way. We arrived at my house, got the letter, and headed outside. The four of us stood in the driveway, and then it really hit us; this is the last time we'd see her for who knows how long. We all began to cry, and none of us wanted to leave. Before long, it was nearly midnight and Austin had to drive to Summerfield to take Ally home, then back home to Tavares. I offered for him to spend the night, but it was too complicated. After a few more frantic hugs and wiped tears, they stepped into his car and drove off, saying they loved her until they couldn't be heard. Once they left, we hugged a few more times, and I walked Allie down the driveway to Chelsi's car. We had taken longer than expected with our goodbyes, because Trevor and Chelsi were asleep in the backseat, and James was sitting in the passenger seat, looking at his phone. After waiting for them to wake up and unlock the doors, I told her I loved her a zillion more times, and as she got in the car, I walked back up my driveway. Each step felt like death, and I got halfway up before I completely broke down, and fell onto the concrete and cried for what seemed like hours. I got myself together eventually, and entered my house, completely crushed. The rest of the night is a blur, I slappped together my business project in half an hour, and spent the rest of the night laying in bed, reading her note. After I while, I could see nothing more than the I love you she wrote in the roots of the tree she drew. I fell to a troubled sleep at four, to wake miserably ninety minutes later.

Allie Wagner, I don't know how we're going to get on without you. School isn't worth it. Seeing the spot where you sat in chorus makes me sad all over again. Listening to Emarosa has a whole new meaning now. I can imagine you standing in that corner of the art room, making something amazing. You will always be loved, you will never forgotten.

The things we think about at night never lose taste

Now take the close to find something greater

This wall has finally reached it's end,

it's higher ground, let's make a stand.

Did you ever think we would get this high?

Pull back the sheets

to find an ending that you prayed for.

FREAKIN'!

We all walked over to the small, dark red room that was dominated by the baby grand piano. It was a scene all too familiar in my head, but this time it was different. It was the last time this would happen, for now. We put Chelsi's camera at the end of the piano and took a few pictures, a few final memories to capture. Allie sat down at the piano bench and began playing. At once, I got a rush of memories from music appreciation class last year, how Geena and I would just sit there all class period, listening to her play, not saying a word. I saw how her fingers danced along the keys, it amazed me as much as the first time I heard her play. Her eyes were closed and her head was slightly tilted. Before long, the emotions hit me and my eyes flooded with tears. The room was silent, save for the music and Austin and Chelsi talking. It was perfect. I remembered the short period we've known each other, a little over a year. I glanced at Trevor. He was sitting at the end of the piano bench, his eyes transfixed on nothing in particular. No doubt, he was using his other senses much more at the moment. I saw him wipe a tear from his eye, and didn't feel so bad for crying. Ally was crying as well, and James sat on the other end of the piano bench, his head in his arms.

Cut the loss, just walk away.

I'm super duper angry. We didn't get to sing One Day More. The only reason I went to the damn concert was to sing that. I could have been seeing A Day To Remember, but I stayed to sing that song. I know it's not all Riddle's fault, and he had a lot going on, but it seemed like he didn't organize anything at all. It seemed like he didn't try at all. It upset me. I know if he would just get his shit together, all of our concerts would be so much better. Then again, he has the band to deal with, and he has a family and stuff too.
Not a good day.




That made me really happy.

I won't sing a single thing until we can get this right.

Extra credit for English is good. Even though I probably won't need it, to be honest. But I would do this anyway. My leg hurts like you wouldn't believe. I'm the only person I know who has this, I get random pains in my arms and legs for no reason and they're horrible. I always thought it happened to everyone but it doesn't! Advil doesn't even help.

Tonight's game was fun, we got annihilated, but whatever. The half-time show was BITCHIN', our band kicks assss. And the flag people were good too! Those pants they had to wear looked like no fun at all, though.

My head is everywhere tonight, it's taking me like an hour to write this because I have so much stuff going on in my head. Oops, I just got a nosebleed Gross. Freaking Paige made me watch Saw III at her house today. I couldn't even get through all of it without freaking out. I'm gonna have nightmares tonight. Which reminds me, I'm really happy with Paige. More than I've been with anyone else, and she won't cheat on me. Lots of people think it's weird that she's bisexual, but I really don't see the big problem.

Which also reminds me, it seems like Seth is the only person I can talk to about serious shit anymore. I mean, I know I have lots of other people to talk to, but Seth is easier to communicate with. I dunno, whatever.

WHICH ALSO REMINDS ME, Chorus is lots of fun. Apparently, me and Rachel are doing a sort of duet thing for One Day More. I'm really scared, because Mr. Riddle thinks I'm better than I really am. Even though my what I've heard of part isn't very difficult. Also, I'm gonna look like a total chump next to Rachel XD. AND, Celeste, Seth, and I are covering Make You Smile by +44 for the coffeehouse. This also makes me hella nervous, because I'm not even sure if I can sing it well. I've only ever heard myself sing it.
Eh, It's been a good day. Why complicate it.
ALSO
EVERYONE BE NICE.

I thought this was all a part of the plan.

The first week of school was better than i thought, although it was pretty boring. I have lots of friends in almost every class, which is cool! And I have lunch with Kristina, James, Allie, Hannah and Li(y?)ndsey. AND WE GET A BOOOOOOOOTH! Yay.

I like almost all of my classes, which is a first. Kelly's class seems boring but easy, and it goes by quickly. Harris's class seems pretty easy, except for the notes which suuuck. Chorus is fun, EXCEPT FREAKING RIDDLE MADE ME AND AUSTIN TENORS D:< Whatever. Kubik's class is cool, and he showed me Thrice, who I really like now. Chemistry and Algebra 2 suck, but Stephenson reminds me of Mitch Hedberg XD. Who's left? Oh yea, Art is fun, but my sketches suuuuck. Whatever.
I really need a ladyfriend. One of those would be nice.
I'd like to be a note
the kind you could sing but don't
Because you're shy
That way I'd live inside your throat
and hang from every word you spoke.
Goodnight.

Let me tell you, it's cold out there at the top of the world.

Sunday was a good day. A very good day. Travis, Robbie, and I were supposed to go see Four Year Strong at the Social, but it turned into a big, bro-tastic adventure!

It went something like this:
I had a ticket, but Robbie and Travis didn't. So, we figured we'd try and get tickets at the door for them, seeing as they were only 14 dollars. We figured if it was sold out, we'd go to Guitar Center in Winter Park and just browse shit. Well, that day just HAD to be the day that Travis's mom borrows his GPS from his car. So we printed out directions from Google Maps, and we were on our way at around 3:40. Our first stop was at Burger King, to get our Double Stacker on. After that, we headed to Orlando. After finding the street that the Social is on, we drove around aimlessly, looking for public parking. After we parked at some movie theater, we set about on foot, looking for the venue. After walking around for a while, we found a line of tough-looking dudes outside the building. Taped on the door of the building was a small piece of paper with the words "THE SHOW IS SOLD OUT" on it. To our dismay, Guitar Center was already closed too. Defeated, we walked back to the movie theater where we had parked to try and see a movie. Thanks to the super-cool lady at the box office, we soon held in our sweaty hands tickets to Funny People. After taking a quick bathroom break, we walk into the coolest theater ever. Each of the seats was like a freaking couch, it was sweet. After that, we walk out into the parking lot, searching for a place to pay for our parking. After ten minutes of looking, we decided to hop into the car and leave. No one stopped us, so whatever. Then we remembered that following google directions backwards is harder than it seems. We decided a good first step would be to get onto I-4. That proved more difficult, and scarier than one would think. There was a detour to get onto I-4 because of construction, and that detour took us through the scariest part of Orlando ever. Two white guys and a beaner in a fucking PT Cruiser? I thought we were gonne die for sure XD. Eventually, however, we found ourselves in Leesburg, and really fucking hungry. We stopped at Steak N' Shake and enjoyed some burgers and shakes, then headed to Robbie's house, where we recorded a song on Robbies laptop, which can be heard here.
Good night.

You didn't think to care about me.

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say.
Trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
Somehow I got caught up in between.
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say.
Trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
Somehow I got caught up in between.
Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies, and how the truth gets in the way.
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none.
I cannot explain to you
With anything I say or do or plan.
Fear is not afraid of you,
Guilt's a language you can understand.
I cannot explain to you
In anything I say or do or plan
But hope my actions speak the words they can.
For my pride and my promise.
For my lies, and how the truth gets in the way.


That song is amazing, and it's NOTHING like any of Linkin Park's other songs.
Me having that song stuck in my head brought this idea into fruition, I'm gonna make a list of my top 16 (lol) favorite songs, in no specific order.
Here I go.

In Between- Linkin Park
From- Minutes to Midnight

It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door- Underoath
From- They're Only Chasing Safety

The Moment- Safetysuit
From- Life Left To Go

Reptar, King of The Ozone- The Devil Wears Prada
From- Plagues

Jesus Of Suburbia- Green Day
From- American Idiot

If He's Here, Who's Runnin' Hell?- Four Year Strong
From- Rise or Die Trying

Classifieds- The Academy Is...
From- Almost There

American Dream- Silverstein
From- A Shipwreck In The Sand

Seven Weeks- Gym Class Heroes
From- As Cruel As School Children

Hum Hallelujah- Fall Out Boy
From- Infinity On High

Marriage To Millions- Cute is What We Aim For
From- Rotation

XO- Fall Out Boy
From- From Under The Cork Tree

Heroes Get Remembered, Legends Never Die- Four Year Strong
From- Rise or Die Trying

Here's To The Past- A Day To Remember
From- For Those Who Have Heart

Timberwolves At New Jersey- Taking Back Sunday
From- Tell All Your Friends

Unbound- Avenged Sevenfold
From- Avenged Sevenfold


Love everyone.
Yay!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. No quote for this one, dude.

Okay, I'm angrier than I have been in a very long time. Before I get into all that negativity, enjoy this sea-pig. It's actually an animal.



How fucking badass is that, man?



Okay, now the negativity.

These people at certain churches (also called Neo-Nazi camps in some areas) seem to have quite a different take on God's intentions and thoughts on the world. Enjoy these pictures.













Cool, right? Especially how lots of the people holding those signs are little kids! :DDDD
This fun trend started in Westboro Baptist Church, in I don't fucking know what state. But these people are seriously fucked up. They protest this kind of crap at soldier's funerals. Soldiers that died in battle, who got blown up by a tank or shot by someone, while they sat back here and hated everything and everyone that wasn't them. Firefox is trying to tell me that wasn't is spelled wrong. This is part of the reason that I am not religious at all. Of course, that's not to say that I think everyone who is religious is like this, but GRRR. Dumb fucks like this give NORMAL Christians a bad name, yo. To sum things up, this really pissed me off and it shocks me that people can protest anyone that doesn't believe in "Givin' every fuckin' faggot the ole electric chair, in the name o' de Lord, of course."

SERIOUSLY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS LEVEL OF STUPIDITY.

I never fail at failing all your tests.

Summer, man.


This summer is going great so far! Except for Kelsey cheating on me again, that was hella bogus. But whatever, enough about that. I want to get a job man, I need some gwap! Sheri told me Chik-Fil-A hires at 15, so I'm gonna go find out if they're hiring. Totally. Btw, Transformers 2 is a kick-ass movie. That's an intense summer action blockbuster fa 'shawwww, son!

Also, is anyone else going to warped? Tell me, I need someone to hang out with. Last year had so many better bands, though.
Whatever, it'll be cool.
OH! And if anyone else has Mario Kart or Super Smash Bros. on Wii and plays with Nintendo WFC, gimme your friend code so I can kick your ass.
:D

"GIVE ME YOUR FACE!"
-Optimus Prime.


lolly.

Mark my words, we're taking over the world.

Whoa, haven't posted in a while. I'm so freaking glad it's summer! The only thing is that it goes by so fast. Let's make it last, kay? Summer also means more movies and music which is cool.
AND, I'M PRETTY DISSAPOINTED TO KNOW THAT:
Sheri
Max
Skye
AND PROBABLY MORE PEOPLE ARE LEAVING OUR SCHOOL. I'm gonna cry. D:



Stop reading here if you don't wanna read something seriously fucked up that will make you want to die.







I saw a picture of a kitten getting curbstomped yesterday and I threw up. No picture has ever made me throw up before. Not even come close. I saw this, and I lasted a minute before I went to Kristina's bathroom and pwned her toilet. I couldn't sleep because of it last night, and when I did, I had all kinds of nightmares. What's worse is it's gonna happen all over again tonight. I don't understand how someone can do that. What has a harmless fucking kitten done to you? I want that motherfucker to know how it feels. Seeing that filled me with so much hate. Some seople are such ignorant, useless wastes of life it apalls me. How can you have such little respect for life? I don't understand it at all. The image hasn't left my head at all since I saw it and I feel sick every time I eat because of it.
Angry beaner is angry.

"Who the hell does that shit!?" -Me
"Some stupid fucking emo kid." -Scott
Pretty much.

Television dreams of tomorrow.

I was mad yesterday, and this came from it.

Dear Liberty,
If the truth will set me free,
why am I sitting in this room?
It'll soon become my tomb.

Dear Justice,
That's the truth, it just is.
The bigger bomb brings justice
to the troops.

I've had about enough of this.
Please step out of my way, Miss.

I've come to join the infantry, but I'll go home without a fight.
'Cause I know they won't let me in, not on my life.

But I've never felt such fun
as when I picked up a gun,
and fucking let loose.
They're all alike, I'll pay the price,
My fate lies with the noose.

This was kind of inspired by the new Green Day album, too.
It's weird. Whatever.

<3

Look to the sky.

OMG.
YES YES YES YES!
Sorry I haven't blogged in forever. My mom put on this new internet blocker thingy, and it won't let me go on mine or Arry's blogs cause it says they're "Pornographic". D:<
HOWEVER!

My birthday is the 28th, as you may or may not know. And I'm getting the best present evar. It's the Underoath Lost In the Sound of Separation SUPER DELUXE BOXED SET THING.
It's got a 56-page book of pictures and artwork, the CD and a DVD, 2 vinyl records SIGNED BY THE BAND, and buttons!
I'm excited. And my dad seemed happy when I asked him, cause this way he doesn't have to think of what to get me.
I love everyone, and I want this fucking month, this school year, to be OOVER. LIKE NAO.

<3

When masturbation's lost it's fun, you're fucking breaking.

I love Green Day XD.
We had to write three haikus for English, and I think mine are pretty good.

The Feud (I actually don't like this one that much)
Two fighting houses
Montagues and Capulets
Draw blood in the streets.

The Capulet's Party
Sneaking to a ball
A dance, a kiss to her hand
True love is unmasked.

I forget the third one, and I'm to lazy to run to my room to read it. Tell me what you thiiink.

Dude, Mrs. Smith's new project sucks balls, and it sucks that she made it due like 3 days before it was originally due. I was doubtful that we were gonna finish to begin with, now I'm positive! Every other class is okay, and I think I did pretty well on my Bio test! YAY.

It's been pretty normal living with my grandmother here, and it's fun cause our family comes over almost every weekend to be with her :D

I MISS ALLY, WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE.

Ow.

I read online that if you condensed the history of Earth into one day, you wouldn't get to the dinosaurs until about 10:30 at night, and their period would be a little under ten minutes. The humans would take up the last like, ten seconds. It really made me think of how insignificant I am, in the grand scheme of things. Of course, if I died it would suck (I hope XD), but the universe wouldn't give a shit. Oh well.

I'm still sicker than shit, and I hate missing so much school. After I finish my painful breakfast of cereal and blogging, I'm gonna take my pillz and try to do some Biology work. I really hope I don't have to miss the Variety Show on Saturday.

WORST DAY EVAR

Seriously, today was complete shit. I've felt totally sick since last night, but I woke up at 6 anyway. I told myself "It's not that bad, you'll make it through school." I stumbled into school this morning, and my only thought was "Fuck." Lol, Melissa. 1st period was okay, and i finished my project for Mrs. Smith. Spanish was hell. It was fucking freezing in there, but as soon as I put my jacket on I felt like I was in like, Arizona in July. So I then removed my jacket, and froze again. I didn't pay attention at all, and tried to study for English. Choir was okay, I just kind of curled up in my chair and slept a few minutes. After that, I got my iPod from Coach T, and I went to the office. I ended up having my aunt come get me, and when I got home at around noon, I slept until 4:30. I still have a crazy fever, and my throat KILLS. I think the strep I had a few weeks ago is coming back, because I didn't take all of my antibiotics. Shit. I probably won't be in school tomorrow, Which is okay because I get to study more for the Shakespeare test. Lame.

This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue
And my eyes down the scope, of the barrel of a gun
Remind me not to ever act this way again.

While she's still around.

Kelsey, I love you.
I'm not gonna waste words trying to explain how much, but know that it's lots. Lots. I never thought I would find myself with someone like you. Ever. It seems like so long ago, I would look around and see my friends in these wonderful fucking relationships and I would be jealous. Now, I have you, and I owe you the world for that. You always know what to say. You always make me feel like nothing else matters, as long as we have each other, everything's gonna be fine. When I'm with you, I want that moment to never end.
Look at that, I wasted words.
Sorry about that.

Today was odd. I thought I was dreaming half the time, seeing things differently. I didn't really like it. I miss my friends. Tuesday was pretty much great. <3
"If I get a boner, it's not my fault."
"AUSTIN GOT SMURF CUMSHOT!"